


Mágoa

by blythesbaby



Series: Domestic Shirbert [3]
Category: Anne of Green Gables (TV 1985) & Related Fandoms, Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Sad Fluff, anne and gil grieving, anne and gilbert comforting each other, anne miscarries, they are so sad :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:53:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26291431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blythesbaby/pseuds/blythesbaby
Summary: Anne has a miscarriage, her and Gil are heartbroken.
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe & Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Series: Domestic Shirbert [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1886020
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	Mágoa

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone is wondering what the title means: Mágoa means: a heart breaking feeling that leaves long lasting traces :,)

Anne sat, breathless, on a hospital bed staring at the cream wall in front of her, she was breathing deeply, heavily not able to come to terms with what the doctor had just informed them. She grew pail and her head started spinning, she felt as though any second her body would give out from underneath her and she would be gone. She felt like she was being held under water, gasping for air, not being able to hear anything anyone was saying. 

Gilbert sat in a chair across from the hospital bed, trying his best to keep breathing. He held his head in his hands trying to stay strong. His chest ached, he felt like he had just gotten hit by a train leaving him completely out of breath, his lounges straining for air. He looked up to his wife staring at the wall, her hands grasping the bed, straining to hide her ache, her chest rising and falling slowly as if it was forced, labored. He knew he had to be strong for her, he knew no matter how hurt and broken he was she was going through far more. 

He stood and sat next to her, wrapping his arm delicately around her waist. She laid her head on his shoulder, not breaking her stare at the wall. 

To his surprise she shook her head, stood up and gently pushed her hair behind her ears, wiping away a threatening tear from her eye. " alright then, let's go home? Or are you hungry we can get something on the way or just eat at home whatever you want" she said trying desperately to ignore her crippling pain and devastation that hung over her like a heavy fog.

"Anne..." Gilbert's voice cracked revealing his pain, 

"What? Do you want to eat at home or get takeout?" She breathed 

"Anne" Gilbert saw how hard she was trying to burry her emotions, her hurt. "Let's go home okay?" He said tears threatening to spill from his hazel eyes. 

"Okay, yeah let's go then" Anne gathered her things and inhaled deeply trying desperately to shove her sadness down 

.

The car ride was silent, neither of them having the strength to speak. 

They pulled up to the house and Anne immediately opened the door and stepped out of the car. 

She walked up to their house and sat on the porch, staring intensely ahead, trying to focus on something else, which wasn't working. Tears started to drip down her cheeks as she took a shuttering breath. She quickly wiped her tears away telling herself she was being ridiculous for being broken over this she hadn't even met the baby so she shouldn't be that sad right? Right. She decided she was overreacting and nothing was really wrong. Even though her shattered heart begs to differ. 

Gilbert walked up and sat next her staring ahead rubbing her back in small comforting circles. She turned to him and plastered a very fake smile onto her face. Which didn't fool him for a second 

"Anne...." 

"Hm? Oh right food. What sounds good? I can make tacos or something, what do you think?" She said through very deep breaths as if each breath was attempting to shoving her pain down further. 

"Anne stop it with the food, it's me." 

Anne could hear the hurt in his voice but tried desperately to ignore it "what do you mean?" She forced yet another fake smile 

"Anne Shirley-Cuthburt Blythe stop pretending you're okay, stop it. I know you please just talk to me about this" his eyes we desperate and fragile yet so full of love and concern 

"I- um don't know what you mean. I'm fine, it's not a big deal, it isn't. We didn't even meet the baby why- why-" tears started filling her eyes "why does it hurt so bad?!" She practically yelled, but not in her usual cheerful tone, this one was completely broken 

"It is a big deal anne! It is, even though we never met the baby we still love it, that's why it hurts because we lost something we love!" Tears dripped down his cheeks "we lost someone we love" 

She turned to him, her face bright red, and wrapped her arms around him letting go of all the sobs she had been holding in. He reciprocated the hug and pulled her close, his own eyes filling with tears as he held her tightly. He started whispering reassuring words to her : it's okay he breathed, we're okay , we can get through this , I'm right here, you are safe . Although he didn't truly believe that everything was okay he had to be strong for her.

They held each other tightly, Anne sobbing into Gilbert's shoulder and Gilbert trying to hold back his tears, eventually failing as his eyes could not hold them back any longer. Tears ran softly down his tanned cheeks as he squeezed his wife. 

Anne pulled away her head filling with a thousand thoughts all at once "how- are- how are we going to-"

Gilbert immediately knew what she was trying to ask and it broke his heart, even though they had not told many people about the baby they had still told their closest friends and now had to break the news to them as well 

"I don't know" he answered honestly "I'll text di and she can tell the others that way you don't have to, okay?" , As much as Anne hated the idea of telling her best friend over text, she knew neither of them were strong enough to tell them in person. So she agreed.

"Okay. Thank you" she replied, eyes still hot and puffy from crying for the past hours.

Gilbert stood up and helped Anne to her feet. She stumbled weakly and almost fell off the stairs before being caught by Gilbert and carried up to their room bridal style, eventually being place softy on their bed and a blanket was draped delicately over her. 

"I'll go get you something to eat okay?" He said standing by the doorway watching his wife stare blankly at the wall once more 

"Okay" Anne said, not tearing her stare away as tears filled her eyes yet again. 

.

Gilbert walked down the stairs, head and heart aching. He decided to make some soup to hopefully help rehydrate them a bit. 

As he waited for the soup to warm on the stove, he picked up his phone, trembling, thinking about what he had to do. 

He, like Anne didn't feel great about telling their best friend news like this over text, so he made the decision to at least call and tell Diana. 

He dialed her number and waited... one ring... two rings.... three and then 

"Hey Gil!!!" A joyful voice sounded 

"Uh hey di I uh I—" 

"Gil is everything okay? You sound awful" 

"Everything's okay, well actually no it isn't not really." Besides Anne, Diana was the only other person Gilbert ever actually opened up to. "We just got back from the ultrasound..."

" and? What could be bad about that?" 

"Well they—urm they uhm didn't find a heart beat..." he said trying desperately to hold his sadness in. 

"Oh Gilbert, oh my goodness" her voice was filled with tears "how's Anne? How are you?" 

"Anne is in bed she— , she's not doing good di, well neither of us are" he admitted 

"I'm coming over okay? I'll help however I can. Oh my goodness" 

"Thank you di, um I know this is a lot to ask, but we- I was wondering if you could maybe tell the others for us, I don't think either of us have enough strength to well— say it" 

"Of course Gil, i'll tell them, don't worry about us okay? I'll be over in an hour." 

"Thanks di we really appreciate it" 

"Anything for you guys" 

And with that Gilbert hung up the phone and ladled some soup into two bowls and walked slowly and carefully up the stairs.

.

Anne was sitting in bed lost deep in her thoughts, everything they had looked forward to, all of their plans all of their dreams were gone, shattered in seconds. Her heart was completely and utterly broken, her lounges felt like they were going to collapse in on themselves. She felt so much weight on her, like there was an invisible elephant sitting on her chest, not allowing her to move. Her body was physically sore. She felt like she had just gotten beaten up, like she was being punched in the gut over and over again as she replayed the women's voice in her mind I'm sorry we couldn't find a heartbeat . She winced and shut her eyes tightly, she couldn't handle it, she couldn't handle reliving that awful moment.

She took a large shuddering breath as Gilbert walked in lingering by the door way. He gave her a sad smile, she could tell he is just as broken as herself. She returned the very melancholy smile and he walked towards her placing the soup in her lap. 

It took all of her strength to sit up and do something as simple as bring the spoon to her mouth and sip the hot soup. 

"Diana is coming" Gilbert breathed breaking the silence 

"Did you—" 

"Yeah, I called her, she's telling the others" Gilbert laid back on the bed covering his face with his hands 

Anne slowly moved his hand from his face and intertwined it with her own, laying next to him. He laid his arm on her waist turning his body so it was facing her, she did the same.

"The doctor said we can try again in a couple months okay?" He said trying to find the bright side (which was excruciatingly hard) 

"I don't know gil," she gazed at his tired, red eyes  
And gently tucked some of his wild curls back in place 

"I know, it doesn't feel right now, but we will be better by then right?" He responded in almost a whisper 

"I guess you're right" she cupped his cheek with her hand softly rubbing her thumb against it 

"I love you anne-girl, and we will be okay. It might take time but we will be okay" he sighed rolling over on his back 

"I know, I love you too Gil" she sweetly kissed his cheek and laid her head on his chest "as long as we are together everything will be okay" she closed her eyes and softly drifted to sleep, very emotionally and physically strained from the day.

Gilbert saw that she had fallen asleep and texted Diana telling her to come tomorrow, and then he wrapped his arm around his wife and slowly fell asleep, finding some comfort in having her close.

• • •

The next 2 days went by in a blur for Anne. She couldn't quite distinguish who came when or what she had done. It was all a like a big foggy memory smashed together. 

As she woke up she saw her husband, her best friend, laying on her shoulder eyes red and puffy. She had noticed he would always wait until she was asleep to cry. And that hurt her to more. She lightly caressed his cheek, tears forming in her eyes as naturally as a new round of waves forming to crash onto the shore. He seemed to be taking this a lot better then she was and that made her feel so stupid. If he's okay I should be too. 

She doesn't even remember how much she has cried, she just knows it was a lot. Her body felt heavy and completely and utterly shut down, like she couldn't even function properly. She turned to lay on her back and gazed, emotionless at the ceiling. enough crying she thought. It's been long enough. What she didn't understand is that's not how grief works. You can't shut it down, no matter how hard you want to, no matter how hard you try. You have to process the emotions which she was definitely not giving herself enough time or grace to do. 

Nevertheless she stood up, with a pain in her heart and pit in her stomach. Be strong you're fine. she scolded herself. 

She walked down the stairs slowly and painfully. Her head ached from not eating or drinking enough in the pass few days. She thought she should make her and Gilbert breakfast, desperately trying to bring some sort of normalcy back. She opened the fridge and grabbed some eggs and sausage, then grabbed some toast from the pantry and proceeded to chop up and bake potatoes.  
As she began to get lost in the cooking she felt relief from the crippling pain in her heart, the hole that was digging itself in her. Until she went to pick up and frying pan and it slipped from her grasp flying and slamming on the ground. The sound of the pan hitting the floor made Anne jump back and knock a glass mug from the counter, shattering it. Her head spun vigorously, morphing and molding the room along with it. All she was trying to do was get a grip of reality, some normalcy but all she could do was break things. She knelt on the ground , trying to clean up the glass shards, desperately holding in an ocean of tears, when a single thick shard of glass shot into her hand. That was it, that broke her. She grabbed her hand and silently sobbed. 

Why do I have to ruin everything she thought as she watched blood gush from her hands mixing with her tears on the hard wood floors. 

Gilbert had heard the loud smash in the kitchen and jolted awake, noticing Anne wasn't beside him. He jumped from bed worry and hurt covering him like a mother would cover her freezing child in a blanket. He stumbled down the stairs to find his wife, the person he loves more then anyone else in this world, knelt on the floor, surrounded by broken glass, and covered in blood and tears. 

He rushed over to her and knelt beside her looking at her hand 

"Anne! What happened?!" He picked up her hand and stood up to get tweezers to pull the glass out from her skin 

"I- I was trying to make breakfast and I- couldn't even lift the pan and then it fell and scared me so I jumped back and knocked this stupid mug over and got glass in my hand while cleaning it up." She explained through sobs "I was just trying to feel normal" she couldn't stand the pain anymore it was overtaking her. "It's- it's all to much I-" she broke down 

Gilbert rushed to her side once again holding her close, stroking her hair as she sobbed into his shoulder. "I know- I know anne-girl." He truly did know, he wouldn't let her see it, but he was completely shattered, utterly devastated and absolutely broken. "Come on, you need to go back to bed" he stood her up carrying most of her weight on himself and helped her up the stairs to their room once again. 

He laid her down in their bed and turned off the lights, leaving to go clean up the mess in the kitchen. 

He found himself staring into the field outside their window while cleaning the remaining dishes in the sink. The field where him and Anne would run and dance through, the field where they would lay and talk and gaze at the stars. And now, here they are both devastatingly broken, hearts shattered, and minds clouded with pain. A single tear rolled down his soft cheek. He hadn't let himself really cry since the day they came from the hospital. He knew if he started he wouldn't stop. And he knew anne didn't need another burden, she needed him to be strong for her. What he didn't know was that him pretending it didn't effect him as much as it was with her, hurt and worried her greatly. 

As he finished picking up the last piece of broken glass, swiping a tear from his eye for probably the 1,000th time in the last 10 minutes he saw a small silver car pull up and a dark haired women get out and approach the door. He desperately tried to wipe his tears on his sleeve, splashing water on his face to hopefully ease the redness and went to open the door. 

"Hey di" 

"Hey Gil" she sighed, she could see he looked absolutely awful. Like he had been hit by a train. His eyes were swollen and puffy, his nose red and blotchy and his eyebrows sunk in a permanent frown. 

"come on in." He greeted with a sad, fake smile and mock enthusiasm. "Anne is upstairs in our room if you want to go see her, she isn't doing great." He looked exhausted and drained. 

Diana grabbed Gilbert's hands in hers forcing eye contact and said "how are YOU Gilbert." Firmly. She could tell just by looking at him he had been holding it in. 

"I- I'm not doing to amazingly I guess, but it's fine, I'm fine." He stated sounding convincing, but his eyes were broken and told Diana the truth. 

"Gilbert! Look at you! You are a wreak! You need to admit you are most certainly not okay." She scolded.  
As much as she was kind and loving she could be brutally honest and blunt when it came to people shoving their feelings down. 

"Diana, I just can't, okay?!" He practically yelled voice breaking.

"You can't what Gilbert?!" She huffed "JUST SAY YOU ARE NOT OKAY STOP DENYING YOUR FEELINGS ITS UNHEALTHY AND NOT HELPFUL." She yelled. 

"Fine. Fine. I'm not okay. Okay?? I'm not. I'm completely heartbroken and hurt and I can hardly function and seeing Anne this hurt is killing me and I can't stop it, I just can't help her and it's ripping me apart. Is that what you wanted to hear?!" He said practically sobbing 

Diana pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back in comforting circles. When she released him she brought her hand up to his face and forced his eyes on hers 

"Listen to me Gilbert. You don't have to be strong for Anne, she is worried about you. If you keep pretending you are okay it's going to make her feel stupid for feeling hurt. Do you understand? You are both going through the same thing! You need to support each other and share the hurt. Share the pain. Thats the only way you are gong to make it out of this." She stared deeply into his eyes "do you understand what I'm saying" 

Gilbert nodded, the realization hitting him that maybe hiding his feelings could make anne feel stupid and that is the last thing in this entire world he would want to do. "Thank you di." He sighed. He is so grateful to have her as his friend. 

"Aren't you going to see Anne?" He asked after she picked up her purse and headed towards the door. 

"I came to see you" she said "I'll come later for Anne okay? Just text me" she gave him a small smile and left.

.

Gilbert made his way back upstairs and went into their master bedroom to rinse his face. 

"Gil?" Anne croaked from bed.

Gilbert sauntered over to her and cuddled up against her stomach. "Mm?" He hummed.

"How are you?" She ran her fingers through his curls gently.

"Honestly?" He looked into her drooped eyes.

"Always" She reassured and cupped his cheek softly.

"I feel like I let you down," he admitted "I'm supposed to protect you... and I failed." Tears slowly streamed down his face. "I'm not good enough for you." 

Anne let out a teary laugh, "I thought I failed you! You've always wanted kids and I- it had to be something I did wrong... I was afraid— I was afraid you'd be mad." He shook his head thoughtfully and grasped her hands in his.

"Darling, I would never blame you! None of this is either of our faults, we need to stop blaming ourselves."

"I know, it's just so hard." she sighed deeply, "I think I blame it on myself because that gives it a reason... instead of just not knowing. I hate not knowing." 

He moved to gently lay his head on her stomach and closed his eyes softly. "We'll never know, and it's awful, but maybe it will be easier to go forward knowing there was really nothing we could've done." 

"Mmmm" She closed her eyes too and let her fingers get lost in his curls, both completely relaxed at the sound and reassurance of the others heartbeat. "You know I would never blame you right?" She mumbled, half asleep.

He nodded into her stomach, "I do. And Anne, i hope you know that the idea of children is vastly over thrown by you, you are my dream, anything else is just a bonus." 

"God, I love you Gilbert Blythe" She breathed out—almost out of breath from how much her heart was swelling. "You have always been my dream."

He smiled sleepily, "I love you more Anne Blythe." They were both slipping into sleep as Anne muttered her last couple words before sleep hit her. 

"I love you most."

The two would never be completely the same again, loosing someone often does that too you, but they always had one constant, one thing that would never change, one thing they could count on: 

Anne Shirley-Cuthbert Blythe loves Gilbert Blythe, 

and Gilbert Blythe loves Anne Shirley-Cuthbert Blythe. 

That's all they needed to know that someone would always be there, that they would always have someone to live for. They loved each other and not much else mattered.


End file.
